South Sudan’s Army Chief of Staff, Still In Comma After Viagra Overdose

By Nicholas Osobi,

Dec 23, 2016(Nyamilepedia) —— South Sudan’s Army Chief of Staff, Paul Malong Awan, who is commanding respect among his tribesmate for marrying 113 wives is still fighting for his life in Nairobi Hospital after popping too many of the diamond-cut erection-makers tablets (Viagra) early this week, at some point he was declared dead but his doctors managed to resuscitate him. His current situation is still said to be fluid as he keeps going into comma most of the time.

Credible sources from Nairobi hospital reveals that the enhancement tablet caused a drastic drop in his blood pressure, resulting into heart attack and stroke. Although the government has tried to keep the public in the dark by issuing a different version to the actual truth, now our well-placed sources within the same government has managed to give us the whole truth. The notorious dinka-haram boss took reportedly took multiple doses of Viagra together with some other drugs containing nitrates to help with his blood pressure without consulting with his doctor. Even if he recovers, his he may not be physically and mentally well enough for any paid job for the rest of his life according to medical analysts.

[ad name=”Google Ads 03″]

The news of Paul Malong’s ill health however has been received with mixed reactions across the nation and among south Sudanese communities in diaspora;

His former child soldiers

Paul Malong’s former child soldiers who are now living happily at pagirinya refugees camp in Adjumani district, Northern Uganda, were sighted staging military parade and chanting war song on hearing their recruiter’s purported demise. Our revolutionary agent was unable to get the exact meanings of the songs they were singing but the onlookers who understand dinka language claimed the former soldiers were into celebratory mood and were joyful as they have always been waiting for such news. They said Malong lured them into the army against their will, and must therefore go to hell. They however wished he died from bullet wounds instead of recreational tablets.

“We wish he died in the cassava field but not in master bedroom or hospital”.

Most of the child soldier in pagirinya fled from the invisible fighters operating in Magwi. Majority of them are now going to primary school and have learnt some bit of manners as they fairly get along well with other camp dwellers.

Street vendors

Sellers in the streets of juba were not so much bothered by the news of his health. One chapatti (flat bread) seller whose accent sounds like a Ugandan from Buganda tribe gave a mocking comment instead when asked what he thinks of the news.

“I heard he (Malong) has over hundreds of wives. Probably without Viagra he wouldn’t even have one,” said the chapatti seller.

Pharmacist

Another pharmacist in Juba said that Pharmacy business has lost a “loaded” patient (rich customer) who had dollars to spend on the thing (Viagra).

“I wish he was my patient I wouldn’t be poor anymore” said the unnamed pharmacist.

Catechist.

A man of God who was asked about this development wasn’t impressed by it but he wasn’t surprised either. He said God is watching over our deeds and he who dies without repenting will not inherit the kingdom of heaven.

Asked if he thinks Malong is not man of God, the catechist replied that if there was any politician who fears Yahweh in the Juba regime, South Sudan would be in peace, indicating that, in his analysis, even Kiir’s going to attend Sunday masses is merely for public show but he doesn’t have personal commitment to God’s words.

Club goers.

A group of night club goers in Nairobi who were celebrating the end of academic year were asked what Malong’s dead meant to them. They said Malong is a dinka-haram leader and is therefore Abubaka Sheakau (Boko-haram leader) of South Sudan. His death would put an end to dinka-haram activities in the country.

The UN’s South Sudan Sanctions Committee had found “clear and convincing proof” that most acts of violence had indeed been perpetrated under the direction under the direction of Gen Malong.

Our revolutionary desk is however not happy to hear him being brought to justice by mere tablets. We would like him to recover so that he tastes real justice at The Hague. 

The author is a Revolutionary columnist, he can be reached at nicholas.osobi@columnist.com

[ad name=”match-content”]