By: J. Nguen Nyol
Feb 2, 2022(Nyamilepedia) — I read “I am My Mother’s Wildest Dream” By Nyajuok Tongyik Doluony.
I enjoyed reading the book. I read it from cover – to – cover. It’s quite a read from a former refugee girl, now a mother of three, a professional and an author.
Nyajuok was born in South Sudan and migrated to the United States of America at age 14, after living in the refugee camps. In the United States, she worked hard and became a registered nurse, an American soldier and an author.
Her book, “I am My Mother’s Wildest Dream” is a revelation and quite an interesting piece of art. I enjoyed reading it and strongly recommended it to anyone.
Anyone who got the book will not regret getting a copy. The book is amazing, magnetic, honest, bold, easy to read and full of emotions. I mean, genuine emotions poured out from a clean heart.
The subject lines illustrated in the book are for the most part honest and representative. However, there are a few exceptional exaggerations mentioned here and there to make the book spicy and sellable, which I will mention in a bit.
By all accounts, Nyajuok did her best. She poured her heart out to the world to read; for the world to see; for the world to feel and for the world to love or hate. She poured her heart out into the world she rightly admitted to be cruel and hostile.
The world she at times hated and also considered not worthy of living in because it is unfair. On the twist of events, Nyajuok also recalled distant fond memories in the refugee camps, like playing in the dirt and at the water points. For Nyajuok, these were fun times at a tender age. That world was different. It was a world that she thought and considered skewed left by the Nuer culture and the way of life.
The very Nuer culture Nyajuok blamed for making her look small and not seeing the world through her tiny eyes. The Nuer culture with which she blamed for all sorts of things including dating – go- wrong, breakups, divorce, collection of firewoods, fetching water, cooking and even serving dishes at the dining table.
I got it. Nyajuok sees the world in which she lived through the Americans’ rear mirror and way of life. She sees the world through such a narrowed prismatic lense.
For better or worse, good or bad, Nyajuok is bold and fearless. She had the audacity to share all sorts of things with a straight face. She gave her book all she got. Those who read and dare to listen would or should by now listened.
Personally, I found Nyajuok genuine in sharing and telling the world how she sees it fit. This is pure confidence. To that effect, she observed her surroundings and shared exactly how she felt and saw it fit. In doing so, she blamed the Nuer cultural’ tenets. The Nuer cultural’ tenets she assumed robbed her of romance and chills in the American way.
Also, by utilizing the narrowed Americans’ viewpoint, Nyajuok Tongyik Doluony shared things that no other South Sudanese woman or a Nuer woman has ever shared. In part, this is quite revolutionary. For better or worse, Nyajuok has opened a “Pandora Box”.
Now, let’s face it and I welcomed you to the wild west. A place where the “same sex marriage, gayism, lesbianism and trangenderism” are all considered legit and mandated by the law of the land or “god”. Take it or leave it, this is an ideal Western’s viewpoint in the 21 century minue Trumpism.
Using my conservative traditional lense however, Nyajuok jumped a long jump and took no responsibilities. Indeed, it is quite a long leap to put it politely.
In the book, Nyajuok is aggressive and bold in expressing her feelings and hurts. Her aggressiveness left me thinking and equally proud considering her audacity to succeed and not giving in to pressures.
I am grateful that Nyajuok has a gut and worked hard despite her slippery or downhill relationships and cascaded attacks on the Nuer’s cultural norms and practices.
Where I sit and the fact that I traveled and lived overseas, I would like to remind Nyajuok that the Nuer’s way of life is by far incomparable to the Western world’s way of life and cultural practices. In this regard, the Nuer people don’t kill their girls or women over failed marriages or romance. It was wrong to insinuate that it does when it doesn’t in the first place.
Similarly, the Nuer culture does not condone rampant baseless divorce and remarriage after a woman has three or more children.
For the Nuer, remarrying such a woman and a marriage without dowry falls within the gray area of concubine lane and carries no significance.
With these in mind, Nyajuok’s book is a subtle divorce from the Nuer culture’s basic norms including setting and practice. If I may, Nyajuok’s book is a protest and disruptive undertaking in part. The book is a rebellious move from the Nuer’s cultural norms and practices. The Nuer’s cultural norms and practices she condemned and she decided must live without.
Journeying through this narrowed lane, Nyajuok attempted to compare the Nuer’s cultural norms to the ungodly and commercialized Europeans’ cultural norms and practices. Yet, Nyajuok is well aware that the Western’s culture is devoid and divorced from moral cultural norms, values, and practices.
Comparatively, with the Nuer culture, there are certain limits which are not in the West. For example, family name, marriage, dating and sexuality are off limits. These items are respected and guarded. In the West, however, all are open books but wrongly labeled as “freedom of choice” in a crazy John Lock’s way of nudism.
The Nuer’ elders are cherished museums, they are sources of knowledge, wisdom, libraries and for the most part are listened to and respected for their wisdom and not for hopeless self-serving interests.
Hence, “I am My Mother’s Wildest Dream” is a digression and self-serving piece of art. The book spoke to power and portrayed family name and culture in searing bad lights.
However, to give credits where it belongs, it is true that some criticisms in the book are well placed. In this regard, I found sincerity in some of Nyajuok’s positions. Despite some notable sincerity in the book, Nyajuok has some notable misplaced radical views and exaggerations.
For instance, Nyajuok mentioned and described things that left me wondering and crushing my head. For example, things which entirely appeared out of place, character and practice.
Chief among them is the notion of eating the “leftovers” saga. This claim that her mother fed her and siblings with “leftovers” in Dimma refugee camp is out of place and for the lack of word exaggerated. This is indeed a correct example of an outlier.
Second, the fact that Nyajuok was taken for free by Mikuro without anything paid in return is an abomination. An act out of character and practice. If this claim is true, which I think it is, then, I placed my card down for a bad beginning. The act was the genesis which caused disrespect and neglect of Nyajuok by her husband, Mikuro Mangongo.
Truth be told, in African’s context, who will honestly respect a woman who chose to be your soulmate or wife for free? I think none and no one will respect such a woman.
The payment of dowry in African’s context is not a purchase of someone but a profound act to showcase respect, trust, commitment, and a way of saying thank you to a girl’s parents for raising a beautiful soul.
In Nyajuok’s case, the fact that Mr. Mikuro Mangongo didn’t pay a dime to show commitment, respect, love and appreciation toward Nyajuok and her family, then, from the word “go”, Nyajuok was considered “cheap” and “desperate” of finding a man. And for this reason she traversed extra miles to have a husband in a weird way and uncustomed manner.
Third, there is no Sobat River in Dimma where Nyajuok had to walk 15 miles to fetch the water. The river in Dimma is not Sobat but a tributary of Baro river from Lake Tana, lake Turkana and the Boma Plateau. This river turned into the Gilo River where hundreds of my friends and colleagues drowned in 1991.
So, these instances are odds, out of place, out of character and more critically out of practice. To be more precise, there are outliers and exaggerations.
If anyone asks my viewpoint on the subject matter, I will comfortably comment that these views were heightened and exaggerated to make the book spicy and sellable.
Let me briefly explain the “leftovers’ saga. First and foremost, it is unbecoming and nearly impossible in an environment where 98% of the population living in the Dimma Refugee camp were Nuer and a Nuer woman would be collecting and eating “leftovers” is no go.
This is not to say Nyajuok’s mother did not endure hardships or struggles feeding her children in the camp, BIG NO. She has faced hardships, suffered and struggled to feed her family. But collecting and eating leftovers will not feature in this arismatic considering the Nuer close knit family structure where sharing is one of the communal profound practices and way of life.
I concurred and it is true that Nyajuok’s family lived on a 15 days ration. Thus, the family had their food run-out and went for days without food and with empty stomachs but a mother of Nuer background will not venture for leftovers.
Despite the few odds and outliers, the book is well written and brutally honest for the most part. I must admit the editors are gurus and well versed with the work of art. The setting and the reading
is nicely flowing and the characters are real and correctly described. By all accounts, the book is magnetic, captivating and easy to read.
Similarly, and profoundly so, Nyajuok wrote this book as a victim and with a mindset of victimhood. With all ups and downs she went through, Nyajuok is riled and has the right to be upset.
Let’s face it, who would not be pissed off if someone had to part with five men or women specially when they are soulmates to begin with? None. In this context, it is right for Nyajuok to be riled up but not toward the Nuer cultural practices and norms. To me, this is pure misplaced anger.
In this regard, what Nyajuok seems to forget is the fact that in the West, divorce, men hooping and breakups are mismatched and in high gear and at the same time normalized.
Knowing these realities, it was wrong to blame the Nuer culture over divroce and dating go-wrong. Thus, for Nyajuok, it was wrong to blame the Nuer culture and way of life as faultlines.
Without being remorseful and accepting some responsibilities, Nyajuok trashed the Nuer culture directly or indirectly for ruining her life. Besides, Nyajuok had a mission and knew her audience for the book.
She did everything right to get their attention. That means, the book must sell. That being said, she chose the Americans’ way of life of “me first, and the rest later”.
Then, by default, in the process, the Nuer culture got the beatings and blame as a collateral. It’s sad that all the evils including dating go wrong, divorce, emotional pains, arranged marriages go south, child marriage and even getting pregnant at 16 are all Nuer cultural norms’ fault.
For Nyajuok, the Nuer culture is the faultline. She took minimal or no responsibility for the ups and downs she went through 20 years straight.This is sad!
However, the whole truth is, “I am My Mother’s Wildest Dream” was written to sell and for market usage. The storyline of the book is an African’s story, written by a South Sudanese – American utilizing America’s cultural perspectives and worldview.
A cultural perspective where dating, sexuality, men hooping, divorce, remarrying, lesbianism, gayism and trangenderism were long ago normalized and fell within the gray area of legal framework, which is strictly opposite to the Nuer or the Africans’ way of life.
In conclusion, what Nyajuok’s book does is glorifies these bad behaviors while discrediting the Nuer cultural norms which discourage them.
For the young boys and girls of this technological age, Nyajuok opens the Pandora Box. The next thing we will witness in our society is an erosion and evasive attacks of Nuer cultural norms and practices.
Thus, the young men and women will certainly go bananas against any sensitive cultural practices. Nyajuok’ book kickstarts the beginning and high road to hell or satanic kingdom.
Nguen Nyol is a South Sudanese commentator and analyst based in Juba. He can be reached at jamesnguen@gmail.com.
